


Interviews with the Space Vampire

by Salchat



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Awkward Conversations, Conversations, Dating, Gen, Loneliness, Moral Dilemmas, Mortality, Post-Season/Series 05, Relationship Advice, Relationship(s), Wraith Culture (Stargate), Wraith Feeding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:48:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26729197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salchat/pseuds/Salchat
Summary: Atlantis is returning to the Pegasus Galaxy carrying a dangerously hungry Wraith, and Colonel John Sheppard takes it upon himself to provide Todd with some distraction.  John learns a few things about Todd's history and culture and eventually Todd manages to learn some things about John.
Comments: 27
Kudos: 32
Collections: Oh for the love of Todd!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bagheerita](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bagheerita/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [bagheerita](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bagheerita/pseuds/bagheerita) in the [Todd_fanworks_challenge](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Todd_fanworks_challenge) collection. 



Change was coming. Even in the stale, recycled air, deep in the heart of the Ancient city, the prisoner sensed the anticipation. He did not probe the minds of those who watched him, nor send his thoughts spiralling upward to seek for the humans that he knew best, but he felt it just the same, in the slight extra tension in his guards’ posture and the suppressed excitement in their voices when they changed shifts.

And then, at last, through the soles of his boots, the deep, resonant hum of the great engines awoke and, vibrating in the bars of his cell, the rising whine that heralded the awakening of the star drive. Were they going home? Would they cross the vast void between galaxies and return once more to the starry paths that had been trodden, for millennia, by his people? Or were they merely ascending to an orbit, tethered like a decommissioned hulk, to languish, little better than a prison-satellite?

He waited and, old and jaded though he was, he could not prevent his muscles tightening, could not prevent the slender thread of hope from wrapping round and round his restless mind. The cell confined his pacing to its square dimensions, turn and turn about, first one way, then the other and with his rising agitation, awareness of his hunger grew.

The outer door opened and the guards stood to attention.

“Todd.”

“John Sheppard.”

A sharp nod to the guards, the bars slid back and the forcefield fizzled out. The man who had named him with a short, ugly syllable entered. His hands hung loosely at his sides, his lop-sided pose projecting a casual unconcern belied by eyes that never left the Wraith’s face. The prisoner became Todd in this man’s presence and derived dry amusement from the name’s randomness, its lack of provenance an ironic comment on the long years of his life.

The bars slid into place behind the human, the flicker and hum of the forcefield reawakened.

“So, I guess you’ve noticed we’re underway.”

Todd remained silent, waiting to see what would come.

“Heading back to Pegasus where Earth’s governments can’t fight over us.”

“Indeed.” His pulse quickened, but he would not show his burgeoning hope.

“And I was thinking,” Sheppard looked around the stark, empty cell, “that maybe you could do with some in-flight entertainment.”

A raised eyebrow served as a response.

“So, I had a word with Woolsey about getting you moved, you know, somewhere with a bit more space.” Sheppard shifted his weight onto his toes and then rocked back slightly. “He wasn’t so keen on the idea, but -”

“It matters not.”

“As I was about to say, he wasn’t too keen on the idea, but I talked him round.” He regarded Todd, both eyebrows raised as if waiting for congratulation.

“A prisoner in a larger cell is still a prisoner.”

“C’mon, Todd! You’re not the only one stuck inside. None of us are getting off Atlantis for a while. We’re taking it slow because McKay doesn’t want to put any strain on the stardrive. We took some pretty heavy damage and it’s not all fixed.”

“And yet you may move freely among your own kind, whereas I am confined alone.”

“Yeah, well, I thought maybe we could, you know, hang out? Watch some movies?”

Todd allowed his breath to escape slowly in a long hiss. “You should do these things with your friends, John Sheppard. I am inured to captivity; many long, featureless years have made me so.”

Sheppard’s face tightened. “We’re not the Genii.”

“And yet…” Todd waved a hand to encompass the bars.

“Don’t play the injured innocent with me, Todd. Yeah, you could give me your word of honour not to feed on any of my people and I could wave you through that door and give you the run of the place. Would you respect me if I did? Or would you think stupidity deserved its just reward?”

The Wraith’s feeding hand tingled and he flexed his fingers around it. “Perhaps.” He met the human’s glare and conceded. “You are right, of course. And a change of scene would be agreeable.”

“Okay. I’ll set something up then. There’s a few rooms out on the north pier.” He flapped a hand tiredly and then turned away, signalling to the guards.

Todd considered the careworn appearance of his uneasy ally. It had been many cycles of dimmed and raised lights since Atlantis had landed on Earth and, though he had not seen the sky or the true passage of day to night to day, he guessed the time had been long. The humans had fought all that time against their own to win their release from Earth and begin their passage back to the Pegasus Galaxy, and then this one human had fought further for a Wraith to be allowed a little more freedom.

“I thank you, John Sheppard.”

Outside the bars of the cell once more, he turned and acknowledged with a nod and a small, tight smile. “You’re welcome.”

oOo

“So, uh, I don’t really know what you need. I mean, other than three meals a day plus snacks.”

Todd sneered at this attempt at humour. “One meal would suffice.”

“Not gonna happen.”

“I had not anticipated that it would.”

The human gestured awkwardly around the sparsely furnished room. “So, there’s the bed. And a chair. Down the hall, you’ve got a bathroom, then a lounge.”

Todd inclined his head, but remained silent.

“You’re not giving me much of a clue, here. I guess you’ll need some bedding. You guys do sleep don’t you?”

“We sleep. Occasionally. And there is the long sleep of hibernation, of course.”

“Well, you could do that.”

“Alas, no. The long sleep comes only when we have completely sated our hunger.”

Sheppard swallowed audibly and cleared his throat. “So, I’ll get some bedding, then?”

“We do not despise comfort.” He strolled slowly to the window, and raised his hand to touch the surface with his fingertips. The low towers of the outer city were sharp against the silver streaks of sub-space.

“Not a bad view, is it?” Sheppard stood alongside him. The years since they had met had taken away some of the youth that Todd had returned to him. The human’s eyes were deeper set, and tiny lines had appeared at their corners, while his jawline was not so taut and smooth. And, besides the aging, there were shadows of tiredness and a restless intensity projecting from his straying thoughts, which crackled at the edge of Todd’s mind. 

The dissonance of their situation struck the Wraith; he knew so much about how humans reacted to terror, how some would sell their own for the chance to escape culling, how their vitality tasted as it flowed into him. And yet he had so little knowledge of the mores of their normal lives; their little lives, short even when not curtailed by those of his kind. He had learned something from this man of their loyalty, their deep bonds with friends, their moral principles and what it took for them to compromise and cross those self-imposed lines. But their day-to-day mundane behaviour was still largely a mystery. Perhaps he could spend this time profitably.

“It is a fine view,” he agreed. “Especially when compared with the view of my cell bars.”

“Well, there’s that.” Sheppard rubbed his unshaven jaw. “So, what else can I get you? Books? Music? What do Wraith do for fun, anyways?”

The question was a novel one; not something a captured human in a culling bay would be inclined to ask. Todd cast his memory back over his life, picturing the cool comforting dimness of hives he had lived in, fought for and commanded, the fellow Wraith whose minds had linked with his own in friendship or striven with his in enmity.

"Our lives are, in some ways, simple. We cull, we make war on other hives, we compete for the attention of our Queen in battles of strength, skill and wit. And, when we have leisure, we have several games of strategy that can prove amusing. We also enjoy each other's bodies, of course.”

“You mean, uh, like, guy-on-guy action?”

Todd smiled thinly. “What would you have us do? There is but one Queen per hive.”

“So, uh... “

“Do not worry, John Sheppard, your person is not at risk. I will stay that urge along with my hunger.” He calmly observed the effect of these statements upon the Colonel, the ever-so-slightly widened eyes, the flushed cheeks, the hand that strayed just a little closer to his sidearm.

“Okay, then!” The words were uttered with forced cheer. He checked his watch. “I’ve gotta go, now. I’ll come back later with some stuff.”

“You have work to attend?”

“No. It’s lunchtime. I’m meeting my team.”

Todd’s slightly-parted lips released a thin hiss. “You consume food together.”

“Well, yeah.” He shrugged. “It’s what we do.”

Todd gazed once more at the view. His fingertips rubbed together thoughtfully.

“What?”

The Wraith drew in his breath through his teeth. “I am imagining visiting the culling bays with my fellows and feeding alongside each other. The thought is distasteful.”

“You don’t go in for dinner parties?”

Todd frowned.

“I guess it’s a human thing. Eat, drink and be merry.”

“There is little merriment in the culling bays.”

“All business, huh?”

“As you say.”

Todd remained by the window, while the human moved toward the door.

“I guess you’re pretty hungry by now. Is that gonna be a problem?”

“If I do not exert myself or sustain any injuries I will be able to bear it for a time.” His eyes roved over the stark angles of the room. It was harder when his hunger was constant; the grating of these straight human lines, the whiteness of the light. He longed for the cool, dim, softly unfolding corridors of a Wraith vessel. “I would appreciate some distraction.”

“Distraction I can do.” The doors slid back and Todd followed Sheppard into the hall but did not approach the double air-lock doors that were the boundary of his prison. “I’ll round up some stuff and come back later.”

oOo

The Wraith explored his new accommodation. There were three rooms, each accessed by a common hallway. One was the bedroom, the other held a seating area and a fine view toward the central spire, where he lingered for a time, amused by the conflict between his admiration of the structure and his desire to destroy it with a well-placed strike. The third room was a bathroom. Humans, it appeared, had more need of bathrooms than Wraith. The item of furniture that disposed of their solid waste was redundant as far as Todd was concerned. The shower too, was less of a necessity, the consumption of life-force as a diet avoiding many of the unpleasant excretions of the human form. Perhaps it might be pleasant, however. He waved at the controls eliciting a gentle spray of warm water. He debated removing his clothes and stepping in, but heard the distant sigh of the door and felt a wave of feverishly active thoughts approaching.

“Todd?”

He stepped out into the corridor. There was a large cloth receptacle on the floor and John Sheppard was bent over, his hands on his knees, breathing hard. He looked up and flapped a hand at his discarded burden.

“Brought some gear,” he panted. His face was a blotchy red and white and his breath rasped in his chest.

Todd stalked forward. Heat radiated from the human’s body. He straightened up, but his breathing had not returned to normal and the blood was pumping in his veins, its life and energy calling out. Todd’s feeding hand ached, its lips opening and closing with throbbing eagerness; he clenched his fist and regarded the human in puzzlement.

“You were pursued?”

“Huh?”

“Someone has challenged your authority and you fought?”

“What? No!” Sheppard coughed and leaned against the wall. “I ran,” he said.

“You ran with a heavy load, when you had no need? Why?”

Sheppard grabbed a handle and dragged the bag into the bedroom. “For the exercise! I haven’t had much time for exercise lately, with being cooped up in meetings and stuff.”

There were other reasons hiding behind Sheppard’s averted gaze, but Todd chose not to pursue them. He watched as the bag was unloaded. A bundle of bedding was wrapped around a small, Earth-type computer.

“I’ll bring more, but this should keep you going for a while. It’s not connected to anything, so don’t even try hacking our systems.”

Todd sighed in mock disappointment.

“There’re some movies on here and the usual stuff, er… word processor and so on. You could write your memoirs!”

“I do not think that device would have the capacity to hold my memories.”

“Yeah. Ten thousand years. You’d need a lot of storage.” He put the computer down on the floor along with a stack of soft-cover books, a flat board and a small box that rattled. Then began flinging the bedding around impatiently. “Which way up is this thing? Oh, right.” 

The bed was soon made up and, as Todd followed the jabbing of Sheppard’s arms as he tucked in the sheet, he noted, once more, the shadows that dragged at the human’s features and the red puffiness about his eyes that spoke of sleepless nights.

“Done. Let’s take this lot into the lounge and I’ll show you what there is.” He scooped the computer and other items up from the floor and disappeared out into the corridor.

Todd followed.

“It’s a bit of a mixed bag.”

They sat, side by side, on a low couch, the computer on the table in front of them. Sheppard hunched forward to reach the keyboard, his fingers feverishly tapping at the keys. He had shown the Wraith the books, which contained number puzzles such as Wraithlings played with, and a game that might prove mildly diverting; chess, Sheppard had called it.

“Uh, there’s plenty to choose from. All the Indiana Jones movies. And a few James Bond.” He scrolled down the list. “Die Hard. Cool. And, er, there’s a coupla Disney and some of the Harry Potters.” Sheppard sat back, but his hands still tapped restlessly on his thighs. “You wanna watch one now? I shoulda brought some popcorn.”

“Do you wish to fight, John Sheppard?”

“What?” He leapt up, his sidearm instantly in his hand.

Todd held out both hands, placatingly. “Peace! It was a friendly offer, not a challenge.”

“What the -? Why? Why would I want to fight you?”

Todd gestured toward the screen. “This ‘movie-watching’ is a leisure activity among your people, is it not? I merely thought to suggest an alternative leisure activity, one blade to another.”

“Oh.” He holstered his weapon. “Right. Uh, no thanks. I’m not sure that’d work out too well.”

“As you wish.”

Sheppard retook his seat, but remained tense, his hand on his holster. “Why would you think I wanted to fight you?”

“Because I know what it is like to be a warrior between wars, to have had everything at stake, followed by a sudden conclusion. I recall, as a young warrior, the blood in my veins still craving the fight, when others around me were preparing for the long sleep.” Laughter rumbled up from deep within. “I was not popular for a while.”

“What did they do? Read you a bedtime story?”

Todd frowned. “Why would a recitation help? A tale of brave deeds would be stirring and not likely to lead to a peaceful descent into slumber.”

“It’s just a thing we do. For kids, you know.” John shrugged. “Stories about, er, talking animals and so on.”

“Animals that converse verbally? Do you have such on Earth?”

“No, just in stories. They’re cute. I guess. ‘Once upon a time there were three little pigs…’”

“Pigs? These are animals that children like?”

“Er, well, no, they’re kinda smelly. Good eating, though. Ribs, sausage; you can cook ‘em whole if you’ve got a big enough grill.”

“That is a most unpleasant thought. And your young ones would be distressed at the carcass of a story character being burnt before their eyes!”

Sheppard’s mouth opened and his brows furrowed. “I think that came out all wrong.”

“Human culture is mystifying and, I believe, Earth culture especially so.”

“Yeah. I think that too, sometimes. Hey, maybe you’ll learn more from watching a movie.”

“These will tell me more of human life on Earth?”

“Uh, yeah. Well, I guess maybe a lot of them aren’t that true to life.”

“I wish to see a strong female! A queen!” Todd folded his arms and leant back against the couch. Atlantis had had two female leaders, as was proper, so he wasn’t sure why there had been a male appointed. 

“Okay…” The cursor scrolled down the list. “Um. A lot of these are action movies.”

“Are your queens not active? Your society has been sheltered from my kind and allowed to advance. This must lead to war between factions and powerful rulers”

Sheppard scratched his jaw and grimaced. “See, this is the kind of thing I forget you don’t know.”

Todd regarded his companion steadily.

“Things have moved on a bit in the last, say fifty years or so, but mostly it’s still men in charge on Earth.”

"Men?" This was a ridiculous notion. "Males have the ultimate authority?"

"Not always. There are some powerful women, some state leaders, but there's a saying, 'It's a man's world,' and in a lot of ways, that's still true."

"And women allow this?"

"You've seen patriarchies in your galaxy, you know how it works."

"Ah, yes, your females do not all have the mind of my Steelflower with which to subdue the males."

"She's not _your_ Steelflower, she's _our_ Teyla."

Sheppard could protest if he chose, but he had not felt the Wraith-given power of _his_ Teyla’s mind. She would be a formidable leader indeed, either of Wraith or human, or perhaps, if ever a lasting alliance were to be formed, of both.

“Here’s one about a Queen. Elizabeth.”

“Your former leader.”

“No, but same name. This one was a queen hundreds of years ago.”

“How many hundreds?”

“Oh, four hundred or so? Something like that.”

Todd sniffed. Four hundred years; a blink of an eye. And yet an age to this child, this babe who sat beside him. “Proceed.”

The video played. It was interesting. Strange, but interesting and although the technology used by the characters was crude in the extreme and their clothes were decidedly odd, the Wraith admired the central figure and her development into an iron-willed leader. 

“Impressive, but many a Wraith queen’s rise to power has been more traumatic,” he said, as the movie came to a close.

“Yeah? How come?”

Todd cast his mind back into the past, to the far distant past, to that long-ago nursery hive where he had spent his earliest years, forming both bonds and enmities with his fellow Wraithlings. “The queenlings begin to gather their court while still very young,” he said, recalling the undisciplined needle-jabs that goaded his young mind into compliance with first one, then another. “They hone their skills of control, forcing their will upon the male Wraithlings who would otherwise remain amused by harmless games.”

“Sounds like a tough deal.”

“It can be violent. As the queens mature they strive to eliminate their competition.”

“What, they kill each other? Don’t the adults step in?”

“Queens must be strong. To protect the weak would diminish our people as a whole.”

“Wow, that's real tough.”

“Certainly it is hard on the weaker queens.”

“What about the boys?”

“Those under a queen’s protection form their hierarchies, normally without too many fatalities.”

“Huh. Sounds like my school. So, were you one of the cool kids?”

“By that, do you mean, did I attain high status within my peer group?” Todd smiled, thinly. “No. Not initially. My physical strength was late developing and I had to maintain my place by guile.”

“One of the geeks, huh? You should talk to McKay. You’d have a lot in common.”

“It has, however, been many ages since I rose to a position of influence.”

“That’s another thing you’ve got in common, then; unpopular geek at school to Chief Science Officer of an Ancient city in a far away galaxy. It’s a pretty good career progression.”

Todd sniffed noncommittally. While he admired the scientist’s incisive mind and recognised that he had his own particular brand of courage, he felt more of an affinity with the military man beside him; determined, guarded and occasionally ruthless, he would let nothing get between him and his goal. “Perhaps another movie?”

“Okay, yeah, why not?”

oOo

The next time Sheppard came he brought another form of entertainment with him; small rectangular pieces of stiffened paper, with various symbols and stylized pictures. It seemed to Todd that the numbered cards represented the drones and the pictures represented the higher ranks and the queen. There was a king of higher value than the queen and Todd had lost several of the different games John had taught him because of this nonsensical idea. A male might be a consort, but his power was always limited; consorts who forgot this basic rule had their status summarily curtailed by swift execution.

“It is your turn, John Sheppard.”

“Yeah.” He studied his hand. “D’you have any fives?”

Todd selected a card with the Earth numeral five and the broad, spear-like symbols. He passed it to John.

“Any sevens?”

“Leave. Hunt aquatic creatures.”

The human’s eye-rolling grimace was most satisfying. “Say it properly, Todd.”

“Go fish,” he intoned solemnly.

John picked up a card and Todd studied his own hand.

“I require tens, John Sheppard.”

John riffled through his hand, selected two cards and passed them over.

Todd placed his set of tens on the table. “Relinquish any threes in your possession!” There was no response and Todd lowered his cards and regarded the human, whose gaze had strayed from his cards and was directed blankly toward the shadowy corner of the room. “Sheppard!”

The eyes that jerked up to his were momentarily startled and the hand holding his cards twitched slightly toward his sidearm.

Todd hissed with dry amusement. “I am Wraith, John Sheppard. Do not forget.”

“What? I didn’t. How could I forget?” He sat up straighter and began sorting through his cards.

“You seek me out, as if I were of your own kind. I am not and can never be.”

“I know that. I told you. I just think it's a good plan to distract the hungry Wraith.”

“You think I might lose control of myself? Or perhaps, gain control of others with my thoughts? Persuade some poorly-guarded mind to release me?”

“It could happen.”

“It won’t. And I do not believe that _my_ diversion is your main motive in visiting my temporary abode.”

“What, you think I’m here to get intel? See if you’ll let something slip that I can use against you?” John slapped his cards down on the table angrily. “I’ll go if you want.”

“Peace, Sheppard. Your company is appreciated, no matter what your reason."

The human's shoulders sagged as tension drained away as quickly as it had arisen. “Maybe I’m just curious. About you. Always best to know your enemy.”

“Am I your enemy?”

“Like you said, you’re still Wraith. I won’t forget it.”

“Then, you should satisfy your curiosity.” Todd flung out his arms, as if to expose himself and his life. “Ask me." He smiled. "Learn what you will, or at least, what I am prepared to share.”

Sheppard leant back into the couch, folded his arms and looked at Todd, speculatively. “Okay. How's this? I know that young Wraith don’t need to feed on humans. So, do you remember your first time? The first time you fed?”

"A Wraith never forgets his first time."

"His? Do queens forget?"

"I would never presume to know the mind of a queen. Who can tell what deeds linger in their shadowed minds?" He had not realised how much he longed for the touch of a queen's mind on his own; a queen that looked at him, inside and out, and desired him as her consort.

"So? Your first time?"

Todd cast his mind away from hoped-for liaisons and back into the far distant past. He remembered the excitement of entering the culling bays; that place of mystery, forbidden to the young ones until the day when their true hunger rose within them, when eating solid food would neither satisfy nor sustain. The pleading eyes of the culled, their cries of misery, the groping hands raised in supplication; all were fascinating and intoxicating to a young Wraith who felt the irresistible pull of the hot blood that surged within the bodies of these lesser creatures. The older blade had told him to choose and he had chosen a thick-muscled beast of a man who bellowed his rage like the animal he was. But then...

"Todd?"

Back in the present, on the Ancients' city ship, he regarded his human companion. "I chose, but another offered herself." Her voice had come out of the darkness, as steadfast and determined as any queen's. _Take me. My life for my son's._

"What did you do?"

The young blade had been impatient. _Take one, take the other. I care not._

"The woman's strength called to my hunger. I released her from the bay. She stood before me and I could taste her fear, yet she looked me in the eye and tore open the front of her clothing." Her skin had been lined and toughened by years of work under the sun, her face tight and hard, the soft youthful curve to her jaw ground away by care and sorrow. _Take it_ , she had said. _Take it, Wraith and let my son go._

"And then?"

Todd shrugged, dismissively. "I fed. She died."

"And her son?"

"The older blade took him." Todd sneered at John's scowl. "What did you expect, John Sheppard? A happy ending such as you might find in one of your entertainments?"

"You could've let him go. Just that one."

"I had not the authority, even had I the desire. He was prey."

John regarded him through assessing eyes, his head tipped to one side. "You remember her, though."

"I told you. A Wraith never forgets his first."

"No," John said, firmly. "No, you're not fooling me. There's more to it than that. You admired her."

The woman was before him once more, her image an old, old familiar friend. She had thrust out her chest bravely, her challenging brown eyes locked onto his. "I had to feed. My need was great."

"Still, you knew; you've known all along that we're not just prey, we're not just animals."

Todd kept his thoughts locked in the privacy of his mind.

"Does it happen often?"

"What?"

"Someone tries to bargain with you?"

Todd sighed and inclined his head. "There is not a culling but a mother offers her life for her children, or some honest soldier his life for his captain's.* But we take who we will take; there is no bargaining between humans and Wraithkind."

"That's not true. Not for you. Not for me."

"No. Perhaps I have mellowed in the last thousand years or so." Todd laughed and his memories dispersed.

oOo

Another night, another entertainment flickering in the darkened room; John watched the movie and Todd watched John.

He had never had the opportunity to study a human going about his daily life, feeling no threat, displaying no tension. His previous encounters with John Sheppard had, each in their own way, been characterised by the urgency of a problem to be solved or a disaster to be averted, and John had vibrated with pent-up energy, his determination clear in the steady gaze of those shuttered hazel eyes. Now, he appeared to have lowered his guard, although Todd wasn’t fooled; provision would have been made, he was sure, to safeguard the security of the city.

The screen cast colourful shadows over his companion’s face and John’s lips moved slightly along with the animated characters’ words. They were singing again, which Todd couldn’t help thinking interfered with the action. The central character was a female whose primitive society had been invaded by men with weapons somewhat more advanced than her own. No such situation would have arisen had the characters been Wraith; as a queen, this Pocahontas would have subdued the newcomers along with those dissenting elements of her own people, and ruled them all. The talking tree was intriguing, however. It reminded Todd of the great, omnipresent consciousness of a hive ship, diffused throughout every branching pathway of the huge structure and yet, very occasionally gathering itself into a single point, to brush its strange thoughts against a few privileged minds.

He realised, as the story ended, that his human companion had fallen asleep. The room was lit only by the hyperspace glow from the windows, which cast John’s face into a pattern of deep shadows and ghastly blue-greys. Again, Todd was struck by the brevity of human lives; even when they lived out their days to their full length, their span could never far exceed a century of their Earth years. This man was not half way through that time, yet his was not a safe, protected life and although he had achieved much for others, it appeared he had but little for himself. Why was he here, alone but for an ancient alien being, when he could be with his own kind?

Todd took his long legs down from where they rested on the low table. He leant forward and clicked on the list of movies at random. He needed diversion; his hunger would not be subdued unless his mind was constantly occupied, and these varied, occasionally baffling stories were a useful resource.

The movie opened and, though the colours were dull and the restless disembodied voice a vague irritant, he could not prevent a gasp of amazement. Beside him, John stirred, his eyes blinked open and he hauled himself upright.

“Huh? What?”

“Look at this… this place!”

“Uh, what, is that New York? ‘Manhattan’?

“There is so much… so much life! So many, many humans; so many that there is not space for them on the ground and their dwellings rise, rank upon rank, high into the air.” Todd clenched his fist hard on his feeding hand, the ache growing to a burning need, the muscles in his arm trembling with conflicting signals in the battle between his hunger and his will. He clenched his jaws hard and a growl vibrated deep in his craving chest.

John stopped the movie. “I think we’ll leave that one.”

The Wraith closed his eyes and leant back on the couch. “Not since Atlantis of old have I seen such plenty; and such energy, spread out and open to the skies.”

“Todd -”

“If I could feed there, I would feel no lack, no hunger, not if I were to sate myself daily for years upon countless years.”

“Todd!”

He opened his eyes. 

Sheppard was glaring, tight-lipped his hand on his sidearm. “I could kill you right now.” 

A pulse beat in the human’s throat, his chest rose and fell rapidly and the Wraith did not have to probe his mind; he could smell the hot anger and the desperate fear for his homeworld.

Todd slowly uncurled his hand and allowed his desire to drain from his fingertips; a younger, lesser Wraith would have had to feed, but he had long been master of his impulses. “Forgive me, John Sheppard. Your world is safe from me. I was merely… covetous, for a moment.”

“You should know, there’s a reason why your new pad’s all the way out here.”

“I imagined there might be.”

“You imagined right. You’re right at the edge of the shield. I could have you blown out into space in the blink of an eye. And in case you get any ideas, back there,” he jerked his finger toward the door, “There’s someone with an eye on my tracker. If anything were to happen to my life sign, they’d drop the shield to this section and vent the atmosphere.”

“I will not harm you, John Sheppard.”

“Yeah, well, better to be safe than sorry.”

John’s hand slowly moved away from his weapon, but his eyes didn’t leave Todd’s. “How can you do it? How can you take people’s lives like that? Knowing that they think and feel the same way you do, that they’ve got homes and families?”

“You kill, John Sheppard.”

“I kill to protect.”

“Have you never killed an innocent? A young soldier, someone just like yourself who believed he was doing the right thing?”

“That’s different.”

“How is it different?”

“It’s war. It’s what happens when leaders or governments don’t talk or don’t listen; I’m not saying it’s right and I’m not saying I don’t see their faces in my nightmares, but it’s not just killing the way someone’d kill a cow if they fancied a burger.”

“So, because you kill with regret it is acceptable?”

“No! It’s never acceptable. I don’t know. I guess it just comes under the heading of ‘shit happens’.”

“I must kill to live. There is no doubt, no moral debate for me; either I feed or I die.”

The human’s conflict was clear in his face. Had he let himself believe he sat with a friend? Had he humanized Todd in his own mind and thought that somehow, Todd’s very nature had changed to accommodate his wishes? Todd sensed a question was coming, that the human did not want to ask. “Would you kill me?”

Todd regarded John steadily, projecting bland neutrality with his posture and his voice. “I have told you that I would not harm you.”

“I don’t mean here. I mean, if you were starving and I was the only choice, the only way for you to live.”

This human would goad him to a response. “I would not want to.”

“Would you do it?”

“We are not in that situation.” 

“Oh, come on, Todd! Ten thousand years? You’re telling me you’ve never had to feed on a human that you kinda liked? I think that’s safe to say, isn’t it? You kinda like me?” The forced half-smile was an attempt to hide his questioning of their uneasy alliance.

“You are very amusing, John Sheppard. And I think, in some ways we are not dissimilar.”

“Yeah, loads in common, the basis of a beautiful friendship - c’mon, Todd, would you?”

Would he feed from this man? Would he take all of his life from him and leave him dry upon the earth, to be eroded by wind and time until nothing remained? Not willingly. But could a Wraith ever truly suppress his most basic instinct, could he, _in extremis_ , stay his hand? This human amused him, certainly and he would even admit to a certain level of affection and, yes, admiration, but whether that would be enough to sacrifice himself, to finally go into that endless sleep… He did not know and would not know unless such a situation arose. “I have told you, I would not want to.”

John opened his mouth, but Todd raised a warning hand. “You have all the answer I will give. You should consider what _you_ would do in such a situation. Knowing that I was in dire need and you were my only hope of salvation. Would you allow me to die? Would you kill me to prevent my instinct overriding any feelings I might have for you? What would you do, John Sheppard?”

“I…” John faltered. “I’d destroy anyone and anything which threatened my people.”

“I am well aware of that. But for yourself? Would you kill me, weakened by hunger, helpless and at your mercy, if I threatened only you?”

“You’re pushing that scenario a bit far, now, Todd. If you were that weak, you’d be no threat.”

“So, you would watch me die.”

It appeared that the human looked inside himself for an answer, his eyes downcast, his mouth twisting in thought. “I could maybe, er, let you have a bit. Keep you going?”

“Ever the risk-taker. You would trust that I could stop before I finished you?”

A characteristic shrug, then, “That was my answer. I guess we’ll have to wait and see. Hope it doesn't happen.”

“Indeed. Let us hope not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *This line is an adapted quote from Watership Down by Richard Adams, where El-ahrairah tries to bargain with the Black Rabbit of Inle.


	2. Chapter 2

There was no day or night, only the perpetual streaked silver of hyperspace. Time was measured by increasing hunger, and also by the behaviour of his companion; his arrival, red-faced and breathless, having run from the central tower was Todd’s dawn, and his descent into heavy-eyed lassitude, his night. John departed, at times, to fulfil his duties, but, again, the Wraith wondered why he returned, why he did not seek companionship with his own kind. Such questions were deflected and turned to enquiries about Todd’s own life, or to another movie, full of the little dramas of human lives and the larger dramas of their imaginings. Or to games.

The game played on the black and white board was engaging for a time. The rules were simple, the moves of each piece easy to learn, and the strategy familiar both from games that were common amongst Wraith and from many real-life conflicts. The thousands of years that Todd had spent in plot and counter-plot, anticipating his opponent’s moves and planning his own soon told, however and then there was no longer a challenge.

“Well, that’s what you get for playing with a ten-thousand-year-old Wraith,” said John, knocking over his king once again. “Maybe I shouldn’t have cracked open the beers.” He picked up the bottle and drank.

“You play this game often?”

John laughed, ruefully. “You wouldn’t think so, would you? But, yeah, I play with McKay. Sometimes with Zelenka. I win pretty often, too.”

“You have a strategist’s mind.”

“I guess.” He put down his drink, tipped the pieces back into their box and folded up the board.

“Did you really think you would win once I had mastered the rules? I have lived a game by far more complex than this since your Earth societies were but a distant glimmer on the horizon of time.”

“Hmm.” John took a pawn from the box and rolled it between his finger and thumb. “Ten thousand years.”

“A little more.”

“Ten thousand, give or take.” He continued to study the chess piece. “It’s pretty difficult to get your head round. I mean, back then, humans on Earth were probably still banging rocks together.”

Todd waited. Words did not come easily to this man, but perhaps the alcohol might loosen his tongue and, Todd sensed, he had things he needed to say.

“What’s it like?”

The Wraith raised a questioning eyebrow, his starburst tattoo crinkling on his forehead.

“You know, the whole immortality deal.”

“I can die, John Sheppard, as can all living things.”

“Yeah, but it takes a lot. And to me, ten thousand years is the same as immortality.”

The Wraith contemplated his long life. “It can be... tedious.”

“That’s it? Thousands of years to think about it and all you come up with is, ‘Sheesh, this is boring!’”

Todd’s thin lips curled slightly. “The things that bring colour to your life now; how long do you think you would enjoy them? The length of two human lifetimes? Three?”

“Football’s different every year,” said John, leaning back into the couch. He propped an ankle up on the opposite knee and swigged at his beer.

“It would not seem so, after several hundred.”

“Maybe not. But there are other games.”

Todd shook his head. He shifted his position, to angle himself toward the human. “You are young. So very young. You do not understand.”

“No. I don’t. That’s why I’m asking you.” John’s voice had a bright, brittle edge. He drank again.

“I could equally ask you what it is like to be mortal.”

“I try not to think about it.” He looked away, toward the brightness of the hyperspace bubble.

“You are a warrior. The possibility of your death must always be present.”

John continued to gaze at the harsh white light. “Well, the way I see it, it’s like looking toward the sun. You squint for a minute, it hurts and you look away.”

Todd wheezed a laugh. “Succinctly put. You hide much of yourself behind glib words.”

“I’m not the only one who hides.” His gaze fell to his drink and he began picking at the paper label.

“No.”

“I don’t think about death much, though. Really. Even on a mission that’s all gone to hell, there just isn’t time.”

Todd waited and then prompted. “Except?”

John’s face was shadowed, yet the curl of his lip caught the light from the window. “You can read me like a book. Yeah, except when it creeps up on you. And someone says something, something about where we’ll be a few years down the line.”

“And then?”

There was a moment’s silence, broken only by the soft tear of paper as John peeled off a long strip. Todd waited, and when John began to speak, it was like a trickling thaw that leads to a flood. “Sometimes I want to scream at them. It’s like… at Jeannie’s they were talking about Madison’s future and what they’d do when she was grown up and I… I just froze inside, but I had to keep smiling and nodding, nodding and smiling." He chewed his lower lip, then released it. "To say stuff like that - ‘in a year’s time’, or ‘when we’ve settled down’ or ‘when you’re old’ - just seems like going into enemy territory without backup; dangerous. I would _never_ assume that I’ll be around for that long, _never_ take it for granted, _never_ think I’ll get all those years, or months, or even sometimes days.” He raised the bottle. It chinked slightly against his teeth as he drank. “To be that sure. To not question that you’ll have an old age.” He shrugged, and his head drooped. “It’s easier here, you know, on Atlantis, because after what we’ve seen, what we’ve been through, nobody assumes. But back on Earth... Seeing all those people in the streets with their normal lives. Even seeing old people, who’ve lived and had most of their time.” He turned his face completely away and muttered into the darkness. “Sometimes it’s like it burns, deep down in my gut, because I don’t think I’ll have that.”

“You feel the fragility of your life.”

“Yeah. Fragile. Here one minute and gone the next. I’ve seen it happen so many times.” He returned to his restless tearing and picking at the paper label.

"Old age, though. You would not wish for such an end, surely? To feel your body failing day by day? Your strength dwindling? Your eyes growing dim? It seems a hard fate, after so short a life to have only decay and decrepitude to look forward to. You would rather go swiftly in glorious battle."

John, swigging at his beer, shook his head. "Old age is a privilege.” He looked Todd in the eye, firmness and resolve once more in the set of his jaw. “If I get the chance, I'm gonna appreciate every ache, every pain. I'm gonna do what I like and shake my stick at death and count it a win every day I can stay alive to feel anything. I'm gonna feel as much as I can as long as I can, for all those who didn't get that far."

"You have lost many friends."

John nodded, his lips compressed tightly together. "And family."

Todd regarded him steadily. "Look away from the sun, John Sheppard."

oOo

_Ask me_ , he had said. _Learn what you will_. And it appeared John Sheppard intended to take full advantage of that permission, though Todd felt that sometimes the questions were designed not to seek information but to occupy a restless mind, to divert John's attention away from himself, from his problems.

“How’d they catch you? The Genii?”

Todd hissed a long sigh through slightly parted lips. “That is a long, long story and one that I do not wish to tell at this time. Suffice it to say that I was weary; weary in body and mind, worn down by conflict and loss. I let my guard down and paid the price.”

“I’ll say! How long was it they had you? Seventeen years? Did they feed you much?”

“Rarely. But enough. The Genii have few scruples and justify whatever means suit them to achieve their ends. I do not wish to remember that time.”

“I’m kinda surprised they kept you hidden. You must have been quite a prize. They could’ve ransomed you or tried to cut a deal with one of the queens; for amnesty or something.”

“Sheppard.” Always these Earth humans had to push at boundaries, to try to take apart that which they did not understand; to ignore warnings that they would do well to heed.

“I bet there were queens that would have bargained for your life. Or death.”

“Enough!” He snarled and let his irritation show in bared teeth. “I have said I do not wish to remember that time! Why do you persist in interrogating me when I have made this clear? Why are you here when you should be with your own kind?”

“Sorry." The tight-lipped tension returned. "I’ll go.” John got up and marched, stiff-backed to the door, which slid open in front of him.

Too long he had endured stillness and inaction, and too long he had allowed this human’s evasion. A cast of his mind evoked a sudden shifting darkness in the corridor and, taking advantage of Sheppard’s surprise he moved, Wraith-silent and swift, spun the human around and slammed him against the wall. He removed John’s weapon and threw it away.

“They’ll kill you, they’ll kill us both. I just have to give the word!” John choked against Todd’s forearm, which pushed up his chin and constricted his throat.

“I have told you that I will not harm you, John Sheppard.”

“This feels like harm.” John tried to twist in the Wraith’s grasp, but Todd leant on his forearm just a little more, to subdue the human.

“You will tell me now why you come!”

“Told you already.” He grimaced and his breath came in sharp, hoarse rasps.

“I could take the answer from your mind!”

“Try it!”

Todd barked a harsh laugh at this ridiculous bravado. “You think I could not?”

Sheppard glared his challenge, but said nothing.

He could probe this unwilling mind; it would be so easy. He could delve into its alien depths and retrieve the answers that were hidden. It would not help. Humans were not designed to have information or emotions lifted from their minds; they needed to be coaxed to release their inner world in their halting, inadequate words and in the shapes of their bodies. Todd released the pressure on John’s throat and stepped backward, his hands out to either side, open-palmed in pacification. John bent over and coughed, rubbing his neck. His eyes strayed to the far wall, where his weapon lay, discarded and he glanced at Todd, uneasily, as if expecting the Wraith to fight him for it.

“Please.” Todd gestured. “Retrieve your weapon. I will not prevent you.”

"I could shoot you." He staggered across the room and swiped clumsily at his gun, grabbing it in a trembling hand. The barrel wavered as he pointed it at Todd.

"You will not shoot me."

"Wanna bet?"

"I gambled with my life when I came to you, John Sheppard. I have no more bets to place." Todd shifted so that he stood, square-on to his nervous ally, presenting himself as an unmissable target.

John hesitated, holstered his weapon and ran a shaking hand through his hair. He pointed a finger at Todd. "One of these days. One of these days I'll pull the trigger and you'll lose that bet."

Todd shrugged as if it were of no consequence. "Perhaps." He returned to his seat on the couch and patted the space next to him. "Now. We will have no more dissembling. Speak!"

"What d'you want me to say?" Sheppard's restless fingers played with the strapping of his holster.

"Do not be obtuse. Sit."

John sat.

"Tell me why you come here."

His jaw tightened, compressing his lips to a thin line. His lower lip disappeared further as he drew it between his teeth. Two small vertical creases formed between his brows. "I…" A long pause.

"Speak your thoughts, John Sheppard. I am far too old to judge you harshly."

The black lashes flicked up and down. He sighed, a rush of impatience. And spoke. "It's like everything's changing. We landed on Earth and we were all okay and that was great, but then… First it looked like we were stuck there, then maybe we were all gonna get replaced, then suddenly they've had enough and everyone's fighting over us and they're like, 'Off you go before you cause World War Three.'"

He stopped, rubbed his nose, crossed one leg over the other.

"So, I thought, 'Great, back to normal. Only it's not. Because -" He broke off and plastered on a brittle smile. "C'mon, you don't wanna hear all this junk! Why don't we have another movie?"

"Sheppard." Soft and sibilant, he made the name a reprimand.

John sagged, and rubbed a hand over his face. He let the hand drop, shrugged and said, “It’s the team.”

“You are at odds with your companions?”

“No. No, it’s not that. It’s just, well, you know, McKay’s got something going with Jennifer, er, Dr Keller, that is. And Ronon and Amelia are all over each other, and obviously Teyla’s got Torren and Kanaan.”

“And you are left with me.”

“In a movie-watching, chess-playing, passing-the-time-of-day sense.”

“Indeed.” It was as he had thought, of course. This man who fought for others had no-one for himself. When they first met, Todd had thought him the consort of his leader, Elizabeth, but it appeared that was not the human way. “Perhaps you too should choose a mate.”

“Yeah, it’s not really that simple, though.”

“Surely there are enough female personnel from which to choose? You do not suffer from the limited society of the Wraith.”

“There’s not as many as you’d think. The military are off-limits because they’re under my command.”

“Surely that makes it easier? You can just order them to comply!”

“No! God, haven’t you ever heard of consent? Is that really how it works in a hive?”

“If a queen commands, there is no blade who will deny her her rights! And, in turn, those blades high in the rankings may command those lower than themselves, although, I admit when I had any authority I saw to it that force was not used.”

“Yeah, good, because that’s not how we do things.”

“How, then, do you organise such matters?”

“Well, you realise you like someone and then you talk to them, see if they’re interested. Then go from there. That’s how it’s supposed to work, anyways.”

“It sounds most haphazard. What happens if your interest is not reciprocated?”

“You walk away. Try someone else.”

“Is this, then, your problem? Are you not considered sexually attractive among your people?”

“No! I mean, yes! I mean, I’m, er, I’ve been told I’m an attractive guy. And I’ve had… affairs, I guess you’d call them. Just nothing that lasted.”

“Never? You have never pledged your commitment to another?”

“I was married, once. It didn’t work out.”

The human’s face was even more carefully guarded than usual and his tone forbade further questioning, which Todd, for the moment, chose to respect.

“I am mystified, John Sheppard. There are females available, you are not unattractive, yet you remain alone.”

“It does seem kind of unlikely, when you put it like that. I guess I’ve just been busy, you know, saving the world and so on.”

“So have others, and yet, they have mates.”

“Shall we watch another movie?”

“I have not finished with this topic of conversation, John Sheppard. The matter needs to be addressed.”

“Why? Why should you care?”

“I am not entirely certain. Perhaps I am bored. Perhaps I feel an obligation to my ally. My reasons are unimportant. I will give you the benefit of my experience.”

“I’m not doing things the Wraith way, Todd.”

“I recognise that you would find such methods distasteful. Of those not under your command, tell me which females you might consider a bond with? Or perhaps males?”

“Todd, just leave it! And no, I’m not into guys!”

“I will not. You have offered me your company and my choice of amusement. I choose this. Do you withdraw your offer?”

“No. But, really, you want to sort out my love-life?”

“Yes. Now, give me the information that I have requested.” It was like dealing with Wraithlings. One had to persist, firmly, for their own good. He pointed at the screen, lifeless for once without the frenetic human entertainments. “Write a list. We will review it together.”

John glared. Todd glared back. The hazel eyes skittered away from his. John picked up the computer, set it on his lap and began chewing the tip of one thumb.

“Proceed.”

“I’m thinking.”

He began to type and Todd closed his eyes and sank into the cool isolation of his mind, the soft hesitant tapping a background to his thoughts.

“Finished.” John nodded at the screen and Todd glanced at the short list.

"This is all?"

"Yeah."

"These females. They are all attractive?"

"Hot. The word's hot, Todd."

"Very well. These 'hot' females - which of them would be your first choice?"

"Well, I dunno, like I say, they're all pretty cool."

"Your terminology is confusing. You said they are hot, now they are cool."

"Both mean good."

“Tell me about them.”

“Er… well, there’s McKenzie, who’s some kind of linguist. She’s pretty good in hand-to-hand combat, Ronon says. Then there’s Picketts, who’s actually a fair shot with a rifle. She competed, back on Earth. Um… Sinkowitz. She’s hot _and_ she can drink any man under the table. Zelenka thinks she knows her stuff. McKay doesn’t. And, er… Hooper. A biologist. Never spoken to her, but she’s a looker.”

Todd shook his head and hissed through his teeth, making his disappointment plain. “Sheppard… You give me no impression of the essential character of these females. Were you able to taste their minds you would begin to know the balance of their inner selves, their lights and shades of mood and desire; you would be able to tell if their nature was compatible with your own.”

“Well, I can’t do that.”

“No, but you make no attempt. Also, I am becoming accustomed to human designations and it strikes me that the names you gave are familial names rather than personal. You distance yourself from them deliberately.”

John’s eyebrows drew together as if he were examining his opinions. “Oh. I didn’t realise.”

Todd regarded him steadily. "You are not compatible with any on this list."

"What? How d'you figure that?"

“I have told you. Your disinterest is palpable.”

“Oh.”

This human was either very stubborn or chronically self-deluded. Possibly both. It was an intriguing situation and Todd imagined himself performing the distinctively human action of rubbing both hands together in eagerness to find a solution. He maintained a faintly disdainful attitude outwardly and wondered at his assimilation of human ways; Wraith, with their shifting matrix of mental connections, were inherently more honest and upfront. “You present yourself as others see you, not as you actually are.”

“Okay,” said John, slowly.

“You choose females that others would expect to see you with; those who are conventionally attractive and who appear to have qualities a military man might admire.”

“I don’t get it. You’re telling me I shouldn’t be interested in hot chicks who're good with guns?”

“Not at all, if that is what your inner self craves. But I do not believe any of the females you mentioned would answer those inner cravings.”

“Well how the hell am I supposed to know what I want if I don’t know what I want?”

“You use the word ‘what’ where you should say ‘who’.”

“Huh?”

“You are thinking of a woman as you might think of a weapon. You list attributes they should have to fit your requirements. But a woman is not an instrument of war, designed for maximum efficiency.”

“I think Teyla might be.”

Todd ignored this foolishness. “Do not think with your intellect. Let your mind wander and find the one to whom it cleaves for no definable reason.”

“My mind stays in my head, Todd. Unlike yours.”

“Could you see my thoughts at this moment, you would see the word ‘obtuse’. Let your mind wander amongst your memories.”

John opened his mouth to speak.

“We will have silence for you to consider.”

Todd got up to forestall any further comment and strode to the window. He linked his hands behind his back and allowed his eyes to unfocus, relaxing as the blue-white streaks of hyperspace melded into a haze. He ignored the grumbling coming from behind him.

“Okay, I’ve thought of someone.”

Todd turned smoothly.

“Describe her.”

The human huffed in a long-suffering way. “I don’t know. She’s pretty, I guess.”

“Think. What is it about this apparently non-descript female that has drawn your attention?”

John shrugged. “There was this planet where McKay thought there might be rare minerals; naquadah, trinium, whatever, so we took along a bunch of geologists and a pack of marines. She’s a geologist. Dr Kendrick. Hannah.”

“And?”

“It was pretty dull. We set up a perimeter, let the geeks do their stuff, you know.” John began to examine his fingernails closely. “I watched her. Just pottering about, taking samples, not doing anything in particular.” He hesitated. “She talked to them.” His lips twitched in a crooked smile.

“To whom?”

“To the rocks.”

This was interesting. The human’s expression had changed in some indefinable way. “Continue.”

“I’m making her sound nuts, but, I dunno, I guess I just thought she was kinda cute. Peaceful. You know?"

It was a start, but hardly articulate. “Was there anything else which struck you about this Hannah?”

“Oh, yeah. See, when I said it was dull, that was until the locals showed up.”

“Humans?”

“Uh, not so you'd notice. I’m not sure what they were. Pissed, mostly. Anyways, they attacked and it all went to hell, because these guys had some kind of explosive grenades. You couldn’t see for the smoke.”

“And your female?”

“She’s not mine. Me and her and a few other scientists got separated from the rest and they were all pretty scared, but…” He shrugged. “Kendrick just stepped up, like a veteran; kept her head and drew her sidearm, covered my six, with the others between her and me. We got them back to the Gate together, had to loose off a few shots to keep the locals back, but… I dunno. I was impressed, I suppose.”

“Did you tell her?”

“Yeah, told her she did good and you know what she said? She said, back on Earth, she was a volcanologist. She studied live, active volcanoes. So, I guess danger was nothing new.”

“And you feel that she might be a suitable mate?”

“Oh, I don’t know about that. Maybe.”

“Why have you not already pursued her?”

“Didn’t think she was interested. Not that I can usually tell, if I’m being honest. These things just happen. I don’t see them coming.”

“Females pursue you and you are unaware of their pursuit? I find that hard to believe. And even more strange that you have not allowed any to catch you.”

“Oh, a few of them have.”

“But then they have let you go. Why?”

John shifted uncomfortably. “I’m not sure.”

“You do not satisfy them?”

“Todd! I’m not talking about this!”

Todd laughed. “But, yes, John Sheppard. This topic is diverting me from my hunger admirably. And, furthermore, it is a problem that I have encountered personally, as are most problems when one has reached a great age. I have had many young blades offer themselves to me purely on the basis of my physical attributes and status, with no interest in my inner thoughts and emotions and no intention of forming a long-term bond.”

“I really don’t want to know.”

“I will not elaborate, if you do not wish it. Some of them were quite delightful despite their using me to raise themselves in the hierarchy.”

“Wait a minute, you think that’s what it is? I’m being used?”

“You are the Military Commander of an Ancient city-ship and, so you say, physically attractive besides. Such a conquest would raise the status of a woman in the same way a queen’s attentions would elevate a blade to higher status.”

“Oh.”

Todd almost held back. These things could be painful to hear, but if his young ally was to benefit, it was to his advantage to pass through a painful metamorphosis, as the iratus grub cocooned and split into a many-legged insect, a comparison which he definitely wouldn’t be speaking aloud. “It is possible that females expect you to behave in private as you do in public; they may wish for a strong commander and feel they have been misled if you do not exhibit such qualities… in intimate situations.”

“Todd!”

How changeable was the human complexion. And how easily embarrassed this particular human. “Or perhaps they expect you to share something of your innermost thoughts only with them, so that they may help you bear the burden of command; they would feel redundant if you did not.”

“We should’ve stayed on Earth.”

“For what reason?”

“So that you could’ve got a job as a relationship counsellor. Or maybe an advice column. ‘Dear Todd…’”

“You attempt to divert me with levity.”

“Give me a break, Todd. This is heavy stuff.”

“It is work that must be done. Tell me your thoughts.”

“Okay, maybe your right. My ex-wife, Nancy used to complain that I didn’t ‘let her in’. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t talk about stuff. It was classified. And… I didn’t want to.”

“And did she wish you to be a strong commander?”

“I’m not talking about that, Todd. I mean it. Don’t go there.”

“You do not have to. I can infer.”

A strangled groan indicated further embarrassment, but Todd felt progress had been made. 

“Perhaps your Dr Kendrick will be more willing to accept you as you are, rather than for a false image built within her mind. You must propose a trial mating.”

“God, no, that’s not how it’s done. She’d run a mile!”

“Then how will you present yourself as her consort?”

“Ask her on a date or something.”

Todd nodded decisively. “You will do this before we next meet.”

“Oh. Okay.”

oOo

The lights in the central tower had lit and dimmed and lit again before Todd heard the swish of the doors to his lair. He roused himself from where he sat before the window, cross-legged in meditative contemplation. Brisk footsteps sounded, faltered before the bedroom door and then moved on.

"I am here, John Sheppard." Todd rose and stretched, arching his spine and reaching toward the ceiling.

"Hey, Todd."

He turned. Sheppard lounged in the doorway, a bruised cheek, a split lip and a smirk decorating his face.

"John Sheppard," he said, and this time his smile made the name rich with suggestion. "I see your prospective mate has marked you as her own."

"What?" John touched his battered face. "No! Geez, Todd, Hannah's not… Well, anyway, this is something else."

Todd gave a knowing grimace. "Ah, yes. Young males without aggressive occupation will frequently fight among themselves." He drew a breath to impart his reminiscences of his time as commander of young troops.

"God, no, Ronon helps me keep the guys in check. He can spot trouble brewing a mile off and hauls them off to the gym."

"Who then?"

Sheppard strolled to the window and contemplated his reflection, turning his head to view his split lip. "Girls' night got out of hand."

"Girls?"

"Yeah, a couple of chemists put together a still in one of the unused labs, got together with some of my guys, er, girls. Marines. They decided to make cocktails. I had to break it up. That Dr Sinkowitz has a mean right hook."

"Ah, so you were subduing your underlings rather than seducing your prospective partner."

"No, I did that too. Well, not... I mean we haven't… Yet." He rubbed a hand round the back of his neck.

Todd sat down on the couch. "Come. Sit. Tell me of your deeds."

John sat, kicked off his boots, stretched out his legs and linked his hands behind his head. His air of self-satisfaction was marred by a slight frown.

“You might imagine you are making a military report,” Todd encouraged.

John’s eyebrows quirked in acknowledgment. “Sure. So, my mission objective… Ask Hannah on a date. First I had to devise a combat plan, knowing my target would be deep behind enemy lines.”

“Behind enemy lines?”

“They travel in packs, girls, with a perimeter of, er, I suppose intimidating looks acting as covering fire. I decided to carry out a raid with a view to extracting my target.”

“A wise plan.”

“Yeah. So, the enemy having occupied the Mess Hall and dug themselves in behind a rampart of all the best desserts…”

It was amusing to see this man showing the playful side of his character. He wouldn’t believe it if Todd shared some of the lighter scenes of hive life. He recalled a particular companion whose lively mind sparked with humour as he recounted court gossip; a deposed consort’s chagrin, a young queenling’s exaggerated posturing, the proud boasts of young blades intoxicated by their queen’s presence. One did not live a long life without humour.

“E and E,” Sheppard was saying. “Evasion and escape. Or, in other words, I did the Military Commander thing. 'Dr Kendrick? A word, please.' And a jerk of the head toward the corridor as if I had something important and secret to discuss." He demonstrated.

"You successfully retrieved your target. Then you requested a formal meeting?"

"No, I asked her if she wanted to watch a movie sometime."

"She agreed?"

"Yeah. Well, she said she had some beers and did I want to come and eat with her tonight. Last night."

"And you did?"

"Mm. But on the way - all spruced up, you know? - I got called to deal with the girls' cocktail disaster.". He shook his head. "I don't know what they’d put in that stuff, but it sure had them riled up."

"I would not come between rival queens.”

“No. It was pretty hairy. And, I’ve got to admit I was struggling a bit. It wasn’t as if I could just knock ‘em out or anything. Lorne had the right idea, though.”

“Which was?”

“A coupla buckets of cold water.”

“Simple, but effective.”

“Yeah, but there I was, soaking wet.”

“And you arrived at your female’s abode in such a state?”

“Well, I was going to just tell her we’d have to take a raincheck, but then, I don’t know, somehow I ended up staying, and there I was, wearing some baggy old stuff of Hannah’s, a beer in my hand and her with the first aid kit out.”

“An interesting first date.”

“Yeah.” He rubbed his chin, his eyes losing their focus. “It was, uh, easy. I dunno. I was just me. Just me and not Colonel Sheppard or some kind of life-saving hero or the one with the super Ancient gene. I was just John. And that was enough.”

“Ah.”

John groaned. “Don’t make me say why. I don’t know why.”

“No. I told you, ‘let your mind wander and find the one to whom it cleaves for no definable reason’.”

“Yeah. You said that.”

“And do you think you have succeeded?”

“I think I might have.”

“That is good, John Sheppard. Very good.” He felt a rumble of satisfaction rising from deep in his chest. “You have arranged another meeting?”

“Uh, yeah. Tonight. I’m gonna sweet-talk the kitchen staff into giving me some stuff for a picnic.”

“A _pic nic?_ What is that?”

“When you take food and eat outside. It’s fun.”

Todd glanced at the window. “You will take your prospective mate out of the city and consume a meal with only the shield between you and the distorted space of our passage?”

“That’s the general idea.” He shrugged. “Sounds a bit crazy when you put it like that. When we’re back in Pegasus I’ll take her up in a Jumper. We’ll find a proper picnic spot. In a sunny field by a stream. Or on a beach. Or something. I guess I’ll have to keep a look-out and make sure we land on a planet with good picnic spots. And if Woolsey picks out a planet where there aren’t any I’ll get McKay to invent some technical difficulty so we have to go somewhere else.” He nodded, with the satisfaction of a plan well made.

“I do not think I will ever truly understand humans.”

“Oh, me neither,” agreed John.

oOo

The lights of the city dimmed and rose and dimmed and rose again and still they travelled on in the vastness of space. The Wraith endured the monotony in measured anticipation of his return to his own galaxy, making no definite plans, but relying on the Atlanteans to release him to resume his life of varying fortune and power, a go-between of sorts between his people and theirs.

He had expected John Sheppard's visits to cease in the greater lure of a new relationship and was surprised when, less often but still frequently enough, he heard the swish of the doors, a quick tap of booted feet and then the human would fling himself down on the couch, suggesting some game or entertainment. The questions also continued, although increasingly the knowledge demanded was hardly relevant to military or diplomatic strategy: ‘Who makes your cool leather coats?’, ‘Is long hair always the ‘in’ look?, ‘What’s with the tattoos?’ And, he had to admit, the distraction helped to quell the ever-rising tide of his hunger.

But if he was once again Wraith and less often Todd in his temporary confinement, he did not begrudge the human that had named him so his new-found happiness. Happiness, especially for his young allies, should be caught and held tightly and never delayed; for their lives, even when untouched by those of his kind, burnt fire-bright, but seemed to one so very ancient, to flicker and die with the rise of each dawn.

**Author's Note:**

> *This line is an adapted quote from Watership Down by Richard Adams, where El-ahrairah tries to bargain with the Black Rabbit of Inle.


End file.
